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Because they want someone to love them?


Teen moms have babies because they want someone to love them. This comment is often tossed out with a sad shake of the head, in a don’t-you-feel-sorry-for-her tone of voice.

It is an oversimplification at best and an assumption of complete selfishness at worst.

However, what is true is that many teen moms grow up in homes filled with poverty, addiction, abuse and neglect, and have not experienced unconditional love from their families. It is also true that teen moms are likely to fill this void in their lives with risky behavior, including sexual activity.

However – and this is the shocker! -- one-third of teen moms failed to use contraception because they didn’t think they could get pregnant. And about one-quarter didn’t use birth control because their partner did not want them to.

These numbers come from a recent survey conducted by the Center for Disease Control, and they show that the assumption that teen moms get pregnant because they want someone to love them is simply not true.

In reality, many teen moms will state that their pregnancy led them to make a conscious decision to clean up their lives. Some will even say that having a child saved their life as it helped them to leave a gang, stop drinking, quit doing drugs… whatever it took to give their baby a better life than they had.

Their priorities are reshaped by their motivation to provide for their little one, and their focus actually shifts away from themselves – the opposite of selfishness.

When asked whether a desire to have someone to love her was a factor in her becoming a mother at the age of 17, Danielle shakes her head and laughs.

“Why would I get pregnant just to have someone love me? I was in a really hard situation and getting pregnant made it more complicated. I was already struggling to make it on my own after my mom left me. Having a baby meant I had to figure that out for both of us.

“Having a child is a LOT of work, but it’s also the best thing that has ever happened to me. Having Nadia gave me hope… and I give her love.”

Click here to view a few teen moms responding to the question: “Did you have your baby because you wanted someone to love you?”

And join in the conversation on a topic that is as prevalent as it is controversial!

By Lisa Steven, Executive Director, Hope House of Colorado
 

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Blog Archives

March 2017

Knowledge Share #13: Managing Volunteers: Benjamin Franklin had it right! - 03/13/2017


February 2017

Knowledge Share #12: Advocacy and Self-Sufficiency: Finding the Balance - 02/14/2017


January 2017

Knowledge Share #11: Effective PR and Spot On Communications - 01/18/2017


November 2016

Knowledge Share #10: I Walk the Line: Creating Deep Connections While Maintaining Professional Boundaries - 11/15/2016


September 2016

Knowledge Share #9: "Fundraising for Non-Profits: An Insider's Perspective" - 09/22/2016


August 2016

Knowledge Share #8: Breaking Out of Poverty - 08/18/2016


July 2016

Knowledge Share #7: Creating a Home - 07/11/2016


June 2016

Knowledge Share #6: The Power of Mindset - 06/14/2016


May 2016

Knowledge Share #5: College or Bust! - 05/17/2016


April 2016

Knowledge Share #4:Understanding Addiction - 04/07/2016


March 2016

Knowledge Share #3:Mentoring Empowers Teen Moms - 03/21/2016


February 2016

Knowledge Share #2: Healthy Relationships - 02/11/2016


January 2016

Knowledge Share #1: Brain Development - 01/12/2016


December 2015

Teen Mom Barrier #8: Communicating the Barriers - 12/16/2015


October 2015

Teen Mom Barrier #7: Homelessness - 10/09/2015


July 2015

TEEN MOM BARRIER #6: GENERATIONAL POVERTY - 07/16/2015


June 2015

Teen Mom Barrier Number #5: Domestic Violence - 06/03/2015


May 2015

Teen Mom Barrier # 4 The Challenges of College - 05/12/2015


April 2015

Teen Mom Barrier #3: The Unexpected Bill: Car Repair, Doctor's Visit, Broken Pipe - 04/03/2015


February 2015

Teen Mom Barrier #2: Childcare - 02/18/2015


January 2015

Teen Mom Barrier #1: Society's Negative Expectations - 01/26/2015


December 2014

Teen Mom Misconception #7: Teen Moms Are Completely Self-Absorbed - 12/29/2014


October 2014

Teen Mom Misconception #6: Teen moms drop out of school because they want to - 10/31/2014


September 2014

Teen Mom Misconceptions #5: Success is Impossible - 09/22/2014


July 2014

Misconception #4: Shaming Teen Moms is an Effective Approach - 07/22/2014


June 2014

Misconception #3: Mentoring Teen Moms is Complicated - 06/05/2014


May 2014

Because they want someone to love them? - 05/21/2014


April 2014

Teen Moms - A Persecuted Population? - 04/22/2014


March 2014

Connecting across the Continents: Teen Moms and the People Who Love Them - 03/18/2014


February 2014

Can you break out of poverty with a vocabulary of just 900 words? - 02/17/2014


January 2014

Community - 01/20/2014


December 2013

8 Pennies - 12/18/2013


November 2013

"The most courageous young women I know." - 11/14/2013


September 2013

Our Graduates: In their hands, they hold the future! - 09/30/2013


August 2013

The Cliff Effect and Other Perils on the Journey to Self-Sufficiency - 08/30/2013


July 2013

Breaking the Cycle: Do Poor Teens Have to Become Poor Adults? - 07/30/2013


June 2013

Measuring the Intangible - 06/15/2013


May 2013

Grown-Up Mom - 05/01/2013


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Recent Comments

Knowledge Share #6: The Power of Mindset
Caty love said: Danielle is one of my friends back from high school and just wanted to stop by and show her how hap ...   [more]

Measuring the Intangible
Kim said: The truth just shines thrguoh your post   [more]

Teen Mom Misconceptions #5: Success is Impossible
Brenda said: Fantastic blog Lauren - and so true. Success IS possible when people love and believe in you! Nev ...   [more]

Misconception #4: Shaming Teen Moms is an Effective Approach
Eva said: I am so proud of Vanessa good friend of mine and mother.   [more]

Teen Moms - A Persecuted Population?
Lisa said: Trisha and Brenda, thank you for your comments! I am so excited to start a conversation that will re ...   [more]

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